The Beauty of Darkness
by DasRachel
Summary: Kim Dankins will become a Death Eater after her N.E.W.T.s. Her parents had planned it that way, regardless of her opinions. But in her seventh year at Hogwarts, she finds herself becoming friends with the Marauders. Could they turn her future around?
1. Notorious Acquaintances

Disclaimer: All content of the Harry Potter books belongs to J.K. Rowlings.

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><p><strong>- Notorious Acquaintances -<strong>

_ They say they can see_

_What I'm supposed to be_

_But what is right for them_

_Don't mean is right for me_

"In The Rain", The Coral

Kim pressed her forehead against the cool glass and observed how her breath left a white trace on the window pane. She watched as the trace slowly faded before the window once more clouded over. The raindrops made their way down the glass and every time a drop reached the bottom there was a new one coming from the top. The weather was the only thing that shared her mood.

Behind the door of the compartment you could hear the muffled sound of people talking and laughing. Everyone was happy to see their friends after the long summer holidays and they were all excited to be back at Hogwarts - everyone except the lonely girl in the compartment.

Kim brushed a stubborn strand of her dark brown curls out of her face and continued to stare absent-mindedly at the raindrops on the window pane. She was wearing a black robe with a single emblem on the chest; a silver S in the shape of a snake on a green background. The girl's pale skin shimmered like porcelain – it appeared nearly transparent. The worry lines on her forehead which were clearly visible in the dim light of the candles floating under the ceiling of the compartment, didn't impair her beauty. The seat next to her was scattered with various items; a wand, a copy of Libatius Borage's _Advanced Potion-Making_, a bag of Bertie Bott's _Every Flavour Beans_ and a few empty boxes that once contained Chocolate Frogs covered most of the front page of _The Daily Prophet._ Only a part of the headline was visible – _"Ministry of Magic concerned about security"_ – the rest was hidden by a chocolate frog collecting card that showed Morgana, who was just walking out of the picture.

She took her Potions book and angrily turned over the pages without taking in anything she was reading. Why couldn't her parents be like everyone else's? She could be out in the hallway of the train laughing and joking with the other students instead of sitting here alone in her compartment. Her life would be easy. She wouldn't have to worry about good and bad – or right and wrong. But she couldn't help that her parents were what they were – Death Eaters. And that fact, shocking as it may be, wasn't even the worst part of it; her parents also planned for her to become one of the servants of the Dark Lord. As soon as she had taken her N.E.W.T.s the Dark Mark would be burned into her forearm whether she wanted it or not. Her parents wished their only daughter to be their successor as a follower of the Dark Lord. If Kim confessed to her true attitude towards the whole palava about pure blood heritage her parents would consider it as a great treachery to the Dark Lord and, more importantly, it would break their hearts. And, as much as Kim hated their loyalty towards the Dark Lord, she didn't want to be a disappointment to them. She loved her parents – regardless of their opinions.

Lost in thoughts, she didn't notice when the door of the compartment was pulled back but lifted her head as four laughing boys entered, dragging their trunks behind them. Kim could tell right away who those four boys were. There was probably not a single student on this train who didn't know them. They called themselves the Marauders and were possibly the most famous boys in Hogwarts. Their infamous mischief cost the teachers lots of nerves but for the students it was rather amusing – unless of course you were a victim of their pranks. It was only against Slytherins, more precisely Bellatrix Black and her followers, that their jokes turned nasty. These two groups truly lived out the rivalry that had dominated the relationship between the houses Slytherin and Gryffindor for hundreds of years. Little arguments escalated into duels on a daily basis and it wasn't unusual for someone to end up in the hospital wing.

Entering the compartment first were Sirius Black and James Potter, the leaders of the Marauders and two true ladies' men. Unfortunately the two Marauders were fully aware of the effect they had on the opposite sex and they frequently took advantage of it. Sirius' jet black hair fell into his face in an elegant way which James' untidy black hair failed to accomplish. They were laughing and playfully trying to push one another into the doorframe. After them Remus Lupin lugged his trunk into the compartment, watching his friends fooling around with a smile on his face. Even though his handsomeness was in no way inferior to that of his friends he has never been seen with a girl. His light brown hair and the amused smile on his face as he watched his friends made him incredibly likeable. Entering last was Peter Pettigrew, probably the least popular of the Marauders. He wasn't ugly but his short brown hair and rather plump figure seemed out of place amongst the others nor did his dull expression contribute to his beauty.

James stopped abruptly when he saw that someone was already occuping the compartment and Sirius crashed into him. The latter cursed under his breath and rubbed his nose but James didn't pay attention to him. Instead he held out his hand to the girl. "I'm James Potter. And those three blokes," with his other hand he gestured nonchalantly towards his friends ", are my friends Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew." Kim hesitantly took his hand and nodded to the others whereupon Sirius winked at her, Remus flashed her a warm smile and Peter returned her nod.

"And who do we have the pleasure to meet?" Sirius asked with a charming smile. "You must be new at Hogwarts – I never would have overlooked someone like you." It wasn't in the slightest bit surprising that he tried to flirt with her but his flattery failed to impress Kim. She was just about to answer him but Remus beat her to it. "Don't talk nonsense, Sirius! She's not new at Hogwarts." He turned to Kim. "You're in my Arithmancy class, Kim, right?" She was caught off guard that Remus knew her name and could barely contain her joy, flashing him a bright smile. He returned her smile as well and she revelled happily at the joyful sparkle in his eyes.

But the moment didn't last long because James interrupted with his questions. "You're in the N.E.W.T.-level Potion class, aren't you? You're a Slytherin?" It was more of a statement than a question. As he came to this conclusion his expression changed slightly and he eyeballed Kim with a sceptical look which, however, instantly turned into an impish grin. "Have I ever hexed you?"

Kim gave a short laugh at that question but quickly answered him: "Yes, I'm in N.E.W.T.-level Potions and I'm a Slytherin. However, I don't recall you ever hexing me because as far as I know you only hex Bella and all those that are stupid enough to get in your way."

Sirius had thrown Kim a doubtful look at first but her depreciatory comment about his hated cousin seemed to placate him. James chuckled "You two aren't best friends, I take it then. I thought you Slytherin all set such a high value on friendship?" He emphasized the word friendship in the same depreciatory manner that Kim had reacted in. "That's not what I call friendship! It's just that everyone is too scared of Bella to answer her back. Everyone believes that they do better being on her side bullying others than to be hexed themselves. That's not friendship, that's dictatorship!"

Not only were the Marauders taken aback by the fiery speech coming from the little girl but also Kim herself was surprised by the untypical outburst. She was usually a rather quiet person but the Marauders were the perfect company to enable her to vent her anger at Bella and her so called friends.

Remus was the first one to recover his speech and his calm voice lowered the tension that had built up in the compartment "Then why are you a Slytherin? I thought the Sorting Hat only sends students there that are truly mean, or potential Death Eaters."

At that Kim slipped deeper into her seat and her answer was only a weak murmur. "I don't know..."

Sirius had already opened his mouth to ask another question when Remus prevented him from doing so by holding up his hand. Kim flashed him a grateful glance and as a warm smile spread over his face she felt a warm and fuzzy feeling floating through her body that banished all bad thoughts into the back of her mind.

The Marauders began a conversation about Quidditch and Kim listened to them attentively. Peter and Sirius were fighting over whether the Falmouth Falcons or the Wimbourne Wasps were the better Quidditch team. "Even the club motto of the Falmouth Falcons is rubbish. '_Let us win, but if we cannot win, let us break a few heads.'_ They're just too bad a team to win without using violence," Sirius argued.

"At least they don't look as silly on their broomsticks as the Wimbourne Wasps do with their yellow and black striped robes," Peter countered.

Kim didn't agree with either of them and barged into the argument "You cannot deny that the Chudley Cannons will always be the greatest team there is. Sure, they're a bit out of shape –"

"Out of shape?" James asked in disbelief, looking up from his battered-looking copy of _Quidditch Trough the Ages_ that he'd been reading. "Their performance in the last years, no decades, has been simply disastrous. There's a good reason why they changed their club motto into _'Let's all just keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best.'_ – ridiculous."

"There will be better times, you'll see." But James was right; the Chudley Cannons truly were in a lousy shape, there was no such thing as better times in sight.

It was nearly nightfall when the Marauders changed into their Hogwarts uniforms. Surprisingly, two badges sparkled on James' chest. It had been expected that he would be appointed Quidditch captain given that he had played in his House Quidditch team since his second year, but the Head Boy badge was a rather big surprise seeing as James was part of the Marauders, the most infamous pranksters Hogwarts had ever seen. The Hogwarts Express came to a stop at Hogsmeade Station and as Kim struggled with her trunk, Remus helped her to hoist it off the train.

The rain was still falling heavily when they got into one of the carriages that seemed to pull themselves up the bumpy road to the castle. Water dripped off the robes of the students that stepped into the Entrance Hall and they left muddy footprints on their way to the Great Hall. Kim was walking silently two steps behind the Marauders; she didn't want to risk getting caught hanging out with the Marauders by Bella or any other Slytherin. She hesitantly smiled at the four boys as she turned to take her place at the end of the Slytherin table. They smiled and made their way to the Gryffindor house table on the far end of the Great Hall. Kim blanked out the voices and the sounds of laughter and concentrated on the texture of the wood the table was made of. Her friendship – if it could even be called that – with the Marauders was doomed to failure before it had even begun.

As Dumbledore rose from his throne-like chair in the centre of the staff table there fell a deep silence. Kim lifted her head and turned to her Headmaster. The deep worry lines on his forehead made him look old and the amused twinkle that was normally to be seen in his eyes was gone.

The Headmaster cleared his throat and began to talk in his firm and calm voice.

"Welcome, students, welcome to another year of Hogwarts. Before we allow the satisfaction of a delicious meal to cloud our minds I want to make some sadly necessary announcements." Dumbledore let his eyes wander over the crowd of students sitting in front of him, listening attentively.

"Dark times dominate our country. The wizarding community is in a state of open warfare. In Hogwarts we may be more secure than in any other magical place there is, still the Ministry of Magic has arranged further security measures for our school. Students will not be allowed in the grounds after nightfall. Aurors will be guarding the Entrance Gates against Death Eater attacks and last but not least now, more than ever, the Forbidden Forest remains forbidden for all students." For a moment, his gaze rested on the Gryffindor table where the Marauders sat, James and Sirius smiling innocently at Dumbledore.

"But even in these troubled times, we shall not forget to celebrate the start of a new year of Hogwarts. Let the feast begin!" He clapped his hands and hundreds of plates with delicious-looking food on them appeared out of nowhere and it seemed as if the tables would break under the enormous weight.

When they all had had enough, the tired students followed the prefects to their common rooms. Kim had heard the password to the Slytherin common room from one of the prefects of Slytherin that was sitting near her and instead of following the other Slytherins down the corridor that leads to the dungeons, where the entrance to the Slytherin common room is situated, Kim hid behind one of the suits of armour and waited until the last students had climbed the marble staircase on the far end of the entrance hall. Then she came out of her hiding place and ran fleet-footed up the stairs as well.

She silently made her way to the North Tower, where she stepped out onto a small balcony from where the grounds of Hogwarts could be seen. The dark surface of the Hogwarts Lake glistened in the moonlight and the Giant Squid played with it's tentacles. A few unknown creatures were flying above the Forbidden Forest and the sound of an owl was the only thing that disrupted the silence. Absorbed in her thoughts, Kim didn't notice that someone stepped onto the balcony.

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><p><em>To Viola – the reason I started writing in the first place.<em>

**_Thank you very much for reading!_**


	2. Two Beds, No Sleep

Disclaimer: All content of the Harry Potter books belong to J.K. Rowlings.

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><p><strong>- Two Beds, No Sleep -<strong>

_ I can't get to sleep_

_I think about the implications_

_Of diving in too deep_

_And possibly the complications _

"Overkill", Colin Hay

Kim startled when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. A shiver ran down her spine, caused by the touch. She turned her head and looked right into a pair of beautiful amber-coloured eyes in which the moonlight was reflected. The moon was waning but still bright enough that she could easily make out the eye colour. Kim enjoyed coming to the North Tower and watching the moonlit grounds of Hogwarts. Even the creatures of the Forbidden Forest seemed to enjoy the moonlight and on full moon the strangest animals left the forest to take a stroll around the grounds. Once she even believed she had seen a stag in the darkness. Kim still couldn't tear herself away from the beautiful eyes in front of her. She was so shocked that she couldn't even bring herself to try and recognise to whom they belonged.

The owner of the eyes finally cleared his throat, suddenly becoming aware of the amount of time they had spent staring into each other's eyes. Kim ashamedly snapped out of her trance and was surprised to see a certain Gryffindor on the balcony. "Remus, what are you doing here?"

He smiled shyly. "I could ask you the same question."

"I needed some fresh air – to clear my head, and get away from my beloved Slytherin classmates." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm and Remus gave her a crooked smile.

"I couldn't sleep – too many things on my mind." Remus had removed his hand from her shoulder and now leaned against the balustrade. "Do you often come up here?"

Kim considered lying to him but what did she have to lose? Besides, she felt like she could trust the boy despite that she had only known him for a few hours.

"Yes I do. To be honest, I come here almost every night. I can't bear being in the Slytherin dormitories. I share a room with Bella, you know."

"Is it difficult...?" He trailed off, afraid he might be overstepping. He had only known her for a very short time after all.

Kim, however, thought that she had been acting out of character anyway and that she might as well give it a try and confide in the boy. There was something comforting about the fact that Remus Lupin had no connection to her live whatsoever, it made her feel like she did not have to be afraid of judgement since he hardly knew enough about her to be able to judge.

"Sometimes – it's just that I don't feel like I belong there. I'm not one of them. I have accepted the fact that I'll never find friends in Slytherin and I'm fully aware that I won't find any in the other houses either." Her voice was calm and strong. She suppressed the bitterness in her words. But she couldn't look him in the eyes so she lowered her head to stare at her hands lying on the balustrade.

Remus was overwhelmed by the trust that she had in him who was practically a stranger. In a blunt move he put one finger under her chin and forced her to look at him.

"That's not true. _I_ would love to be your friend." He looked at her shyly, but sincerely and she blushed. He quickly drew his hand away and turned to look at the grounds, a faint blush creeping up his cheeks as well.

Kim didn't know how long they had stood there just gazing into the dark of the night. Suddenly she felt a cold breeze sweeping around her body and she shivered.

"Are you cold?" Remus asked concerned. Kim nodded.

He cast a spell that produced a small ball of flames in front of them that danced over the balustrade.

"So James made Head Boy, huh?" Said Kim in an attempt to break the silence that had suddenly become awkward.

"Yes, I know, we're shocked too," Remus laughed. "He didn't know what to do with it at first but he's been delighted since he met the Head Girl."

"Oh, let me guess, it's Lily!" Of course Lily Evans had been made Head Girls, her grades were extraordinarily good, her record flawless. Kim laughed at the thought of the two of them being Head Boy and Head Girl – Dumbledore finally must have lost his sanity.

"You should have seen them in the common room. They've been working together for one day and Lily has already found fault with him. She knocked the stuffing out of him in front of the whole common room."

Kim felt sorry for James. Lily had been turning him down since their fourth year although James truly had improved. But maybe she was biased because she secretly enjoyed the encounters that the Marauders frequently had with her fellow Slytherins. The four boys were the only ones that were not intimidated by Bella and her undeniable talent when it came to Dark Magic.

"I highly doubt that she hates him as much as she makes everyone believe. James is a good guy and she knows it. I wonder how long it will take until she finally gives in and goes out with him."

Remus groaned at this. "I hope it won't take long, he's driving us insane with his permanent moaning about why she hates him so much."

Kim chuckled. James Potter, Captain and star player of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, heart-throb and leader of the Marauders was rejected by a girl that, believe it or not, he really liked. Kim couldn't help but laugh but Remus' smile looked more like a grimace.

"Actually it's not funny at all. You should see him after he's been turned down once again – he's always devastated."

"I'll wager that she will have given in by Christmas," Kim said with a provocative smile.

"What do you want to bet?" Remus accepted with a playful grin.

Kim thought about it a few moments before she gave her response. "If they're not together by the Yule Ball, you'll have to go swimming in Hogwarts Lake – if they are" – she shuddered to think – "I'll go." He put out his hand and she took it to seal it. For a couple of minutes they stood next to each other once again in silence. Kim was internally wondering what had hit her that day, this cheerful side was something that normally only her parents ever got to see.

"So Kim, what have you been up to all summer?" Remus finally broke the silence, keen to keep their conversation going.

Kim's face instantly lit up at the memories of her summer. It had been wonderful to get away with her parents and she had somehow managed to block out the thought of them as Death Eaters and see them for what they were to her: loving parents.

"I've been to Egypt with my parents for two weeks; we visited some of the Egyptian tombs. Hundreds of years ago, Egyptian wizards placed curses on the tombs that mostly even Gringotts Curse Breakers can't break." Kim continued to narrate the adventures of her stay in Egypt and Remus listened attentively. When she finished her narrative, she asked. "And you? What have you been doing all summer?"

"The first two weeks I spent at home with my family and the rest of the summer I spent at Potter Manor with Sirius and James. We –"

"Wait, Sirius still spends his holiday with James? My parents told me that he broke with his family last summer. I didn't know that he still hadn't returned. Mrs Black must be furious."

Kim had met the head of the Black family only once and she could just picture what terrifying a furious Mrs Black must be like.

Remus smiled weakly.

"Furious is a huge understatement. She went mental when he went off to stay with the Potters for the summer. Only the fact that that half of the wizarding community was right there on Platform Nine and Three Quarters prevented her from hexing him into the next century right there and then. She sent him countless Howlers – James said it was scary at first but after a few days the tirades didn't bother them anymore."

Kim chuckled when she imagined the two boys sitting at the table eating breakfast and loudly talking to drown out the sound of Mrs Black's voice coming from a red letter.

"However, after about a week she gave up and as far as I know she has never said a word about Sirius since then."

Kim remained silent for a few minutes, lost in thought about Sirius' way to deal with the different opinions his family had. But she knew that she was neither brave enough nor did she actually want to break with her family.

They both stood on the balcony in silence. Dark clouds had gathered and the bright light of the moon was overcast by the oppressive darkness of the clouds. The rain beat against the roof of the North Tower creating a calming noise. A chill stole over Kim's body and she held her hands up to the little fireball, rubbing them firmly.

"Weren't your parents sad when you left home after only two weeks of holiday?" Kim took up their conversation again.

Remus hesitated with his answer. "My family has some problems you know ... family stuff ... so I guess they were glad I didn't stay that long ..."

Kim immediately noticed that Remus felt uncomfortable talking about his family and made a mental note not to touch the subject again.

"James' parents must be very kind to welcome you and Sirius into their family for the whole summer."

Remus couldn't help but smile at the thought of the hospitality Mr and Mrs Potter had shown towards him.

"They are great. You have seen James and Sirius in action at Hogwarts. Now imagine what they get up to when they have two months of free time – no school, no homework, no Slytherins to hex. His parents really have to endure much. I tried to prevent the worst from happening but you can imagine how much success I had with that."

Kim chuckled at the thought of the two biggest mischief-makers Hogwarts has ever seen doing their best to drive James' parents mad and Remus in the middle of the mess trying to clean it up.

"Thankfully, Potter Manor is huge. There is a forest and even a little lake on the property. We spent most of the summer messing around in the lake trying to get away from the heat. I also had to endure the occasional Quidditch game. Sirius gave up his position as a Beater and they both acted as Chasers which left them in need of a Keeper."

Remus' agonised expression suggested that he didn't actually have the time of his life playing Keeper for the two Quidditch stars of Gryffindor's house team.

It was raining harder now and all of a sudden a gust of wind blew the raindrops onto the balcony. Remus and Kim gasped when a splash of water hit their faces. Remus backed away from the balustrade, pressing his body against the cold wall of the tower.

Kim, however, had not moved from her spot and Remus watched how her face was getting wetter by the minute. Her eyes were closed and little raindrops got caught in her eyelashes. The rain dripped from her hair onto her cheeks and her Hogwarts uniform was already quite damp.

"You know, it's getting pretty late," Kim spoke up, her eyes still closed, "we should probably head back to our dormitories now."

Remus nodded half-heartedly and they silently made their way down the spiral staircase that led to the North Tower. They passed the Divination classroom and various portraits whose occupants were currently asleep due to the late hour. Coming to a stop at the top of the great marble staircase where they had to go separate ways, they awkwardly stood in front of each other when Remus finally spoke.

"I'll see you tomorrow, I guess." Kim just nodded shyly and descended the stairs.

When they both were in their beds – one in Gryffindor, one in Slytherin – they both couldn't sleep; too many things were on their minds.

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><p><em>To Anja and Sam – I have no idea why.<em>

**_Thank you so much for reading and also a big thank you to the people who reviewed/favourited/alerted. I always thought it sounded a bit cheesy when authors said this but it really is one of the most exciting feelings ever=)._**


	3. Numb

Disclaimer: All content of the Harry Potter books belong to J.K. Rowlings.

**A/N: This was very hard to write and I'm sorry that it's a quite a bit shorter but it felt right to stop where I did. I got some pointers in the comments about Kim being Sue-ish and I hope that I managed to keep away from that with this chapter. I hope this can explain the conflict between living her parent's life and living her own life. These first three chapters should explain the situation that Kim is in and the speed of things actually progressing is going to pick up in the next few chapters. But enough with the explaining, I hope you enjoy.**

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><p><strong>- Numb -<strong>

_I can't breath and I can't smile _

_This better be worth my while _

"Numb", Marina and the Diamonds

Kim was headed towards Ancient Runes. She let out a yawn – she hadn't been able to fall asleep for a long time after returning to her dormitory the previous night. The talk she had had with Remus on the North Tower had occupied her thoughts for a long time afterwards. Lying in bed in the Slytherin dorm room, realisation had slowly hit her. What had she been thinking? Talking to those boys meant nothing but trouble. Her parents would consider it a great treachery to the Dark Lord if they ever found out that she was talking to blood traitors like Potter and Black or mudbloods like Lupin and Pettigrew. This thought was not hers and it was difficult to force it inside her brain but what really hurt was to force it inside her heart.

Kim had skipped breakfast out of fear that seeing the Marauders and especially Remus would make her change her mind. Thus, she was the first one to arrive in the classroom where Professor Bigby was already brooding over an ancient looking role of parchment, from time to time considering her time-worn copy of _Spellman's Syllabary_. The Ancient Runes Professor herself looked nearly as ancient as the text she was trying to translate. Lost in her work, she didn't look up when Kim entered the classroom and went to a seat in the back row. Even when she stumbled over the leg of a chair and her textbooks noisily fell on the floor Professor Bigby didn't take any notice of her.

At that point some Ravenclaw students walked through the door and took their seats in the front row. They were talking loudly about book they read during the summer while Kim decided to read the next chapter in _Advanced Rune Translation._

Lily Evans was the last person to arrive although she was still five minutes early. She neatly placed her quill, textbook and a piece of parchment onto the table and patiently waited for the Professor to begin class.

Finally Professor Bigby began her lecture and Kim felt a wave of relief wash through her when she began to scribble down notes like the rest of the students. The classes were more demanding than ever and thus were distracting her from the battle going on inside her. Feelings she had never known and never thought she'd know were fighting hard for a place on the surface. But she'd had far too much practise at suppressing them to let them win now. What she had built in the past six years – she was not going to waste it now that she was almost there. For six years she had done everything she could to study as hard as possible to be a better child to her parents and a better servant to the Dark Lord. When the Dark Mark is burned into her forearm her parents will be the happiest and proudest people alive.

However, there was always the nagging thought about her own happiness. But she had to be content being numb because that was the only way she would get to her goal.

Kim was leaving the Great Hall after a very quick dinner, ready to spend her evening in the corner of the Slytherin commons. She couldn't go back to the North Tower because although she didn't think it was possible that Remus wanted to see her again, she could not risk it.

She had just turned the last corner before she would reach the entrance to the common room when Bellatrix Black, flanked by Rodolphus Lestrange and Regulus Black, came her way. Kim lowered her gaze and tried to walk past them, unnoticed, like she always did.

The Slytherins had never payed any attention to Kim. Everyone of them had of course heard of her parents. They Dankins were some of the oldest servants of the Dark Lord. Powerful wizards – Ruben Dankins was the head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. But nobody saw that kind of power in their daughter who was barely average. Thus, Bellatrix Black say no competition in the plain girl. Bellatrix was determined to become the Dark Lord's greatest and most loyal servant and that Dankins girl did not stand a chance against her drive and determination.

However, Bellatrix thought, there could be no harm in reminding her fellow Slytherin what it truly meant to be faithful to the Dark Lord.

"Dankins," Bellatrix called out, "not hanging out with my blood-traitor cousin and his mudblood friends today, are we?"

Kim turned around slowly and felt herself shrinking even more under the evil smirk of the dar-haired girl who already towered over her by several inches. Her mind was racing. How could she get herself out of this situation? Should she lie and say that their information must have been wrong? No, she was not going to get away that easily. Regulus and Rodolphus looked like they were only waiting for Bella to tell them to hex her until she forgot Gryffindor house even existed.

Kim finally decided not to say anything but Bella did not seem happy with that.

"Nothing to say in your defence? So you admit to messing around with that scum?" Kim was now fighting back tears as hard as she could.

How could she ever have been this stupid? Of course it was not going to go unnoticed that she rode the Hogwarts Express with the most popular Gryffindors – nothing at Hogwarts ever went unnoticed. But she was not going to let tears destroy the last bit that held back Bellatrix from telling her two wingmen to hex Kim into the next century.

"Well, you're a lucky girl, Dankins, I don't feel like hexing you today, but," and the smirk on her face disappeared, leaving only a threatening glare, "if I ever see or hear that you have any business with any of those filthy Gryffindors you'll be hoping that the Sorting Hat had never put you into Slytherin."

At that, Bellatrix Black strode past Kim, her cloak dramatically undermining her frightening aura. Rodolphus Lestrange hurried to catch up with his girlfriend but Regulus Black remained in his spot, looking like he had just eaten a particularly nasty Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Bean. He seemed to be considering something and an evil smirk, not unlike Bella's, disgraced on his otherwise pretty face. Of course, Bella had only let her off the hook because she was afraid of the consequences that hexing the daughter of the Dankins might have. But surely, a minor injury would not cause the shy, unimposing girl in front of him to run to her parents. He drew his wand and with a flick and a hissed spell that Kim could not understand she heard a cracking sound and felt an unbearable pain in her nose.

Regulus seemed happy with himself now and followed the others down the corridor.

Something hot and sticky was dripping from Kim's lips to the ground and she did not have to open her eyes that were still squeezed shut from the pain to know that it was blood. There was no need now to hold back the tears anymore and she couldn't have if she had wanted. They were spilling from under her closed eyelids, rolling down her cheeks and mixing with her blood. She finally sunk onto her knees, trying to hold in the cries of pain that were waiting at the back of her throat. But she was not going to let anyone have the satisfaction of hearing her letting her last guard down.

Kim was looking into the mirror, her face flood-stained, her eyes red and swollen. Her fingertips slowly traced the salty lines the tears had left on her cheeks. The muffled noise of students entering the common room broke her out of her trance. She pointed her wand at the broken nose that had turned a deep shade of purple by now and murmured _Episkey. _A faint cracking sound could be heard and once again Kim had to hold herself back from letting out a cry of pain.

A look into the mirror proved that her nose had gone back to its unbroken state. She hastily grabbed a washcloth and rubbed off the blood, ignoring the throbbing pain that came from her still slightly sore nose.

Kim then stripped out of her clothes and stepped into the shower. She let the hot water run over her body, slowly relaxing her muscles.

But the hot water did not only clean up the last bits of blood that reminded her of the incident but also managed to wash away the memory of it for a few minutes. It felt nice to have this beautiful but fleeting moment of not having to feel anything but the comfortable warmth of the shower. This was how Kim was going to get through her last year of Hogwarts – by being numb.

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><p><em><strong>Thank you very much for reading. It's very intimidating for me to post this because I know that my writing is very far from perfect but the ReviewsFavourites/Alerts make it worth it so really, thank you.**_


	4. Lies

Disclaimer: All content of the Harry Potter books belong to J.K. Rowlings.

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><p><strong>- Lies -<strong>

Cause if my savior comes could you let him know

I've gone away forward to save my soul

"The Longer I Run", Peter Bradley Adams

_Dear Mom and Dad_

_Things are going great._

Lie.

Kim had not talked to any Slytherin let alone Bellatrix Black in weeks. She only spoke in class when asked to which is not very often when you're trying your hardest to be invisible. She was beginning to feel like she should talk to herself or else she might lose the power of speech eventually.

The memories of the encounter were packed away in a box, neatly sealed, and pushed to the farthest corner of her head.

After school Kim hid in the Slytherin common room, thereby avoiding the crowds that spent their free time out in the sun. When the room started to fill after dinner, however, Kim traded her spot in the corner for a table in the library. There were never many people there, only a few Ravenclaws trying to keep up with their ambitious revision schedules. Kim spent every night perfecting homework assignments until her eyelids became too heavy. Madam Pince had usually long before extinguished the candles and left with a last one of her trademark you-better-not-not-my-books stare when Kim finally returned to the dungeons. She had got used to this routine and the good grades she was getting for her essays were certainly something to be happy about. However, Kim could not bring herself to actually feel the joy that an Outstanding in Potions was supposed to bring, something she'd been trying to achieve for the past six years.

Things were going but they were certainly not great.

_Classes are a lot of fun this year._

Lie.

The lowest point of the last four weeks had been in yesterday's Charms class. Kim had been missing meals every now and then.

Sometimes it happened unintentionally. When a particularly demanding homework assignment buried her deep under books and she was surprised by the Slytherins returning to the common room after dinner.

Sometimes, however, it happened on purpose. She carried her book-packed messenger bag to the Great Hall and was just about to cross the Entrance Hall when the Marauders were coming from the grounds, laughing and shoving each other. Kim stopped in her tracks, waiting for the boys to disappear in the Great Hall when Remus turned around and looked straight at her. Their eyes locked for the briefest of moments before Kim spun around and ran back to the dungeons, almost knocking over some first years.

The short glimpse that she had caught of his eyes was enough to see the worrying and questioning expression in them. That expression alone had left her terrified but what she feared was that he might have been able to read her eyes just as easily and the fear of what her expression had told him made her skip dinner for the next three days.

Kim felt constantly nauseous and thus, whenever she did attend meals pushed the food around her plate rather than eating it.

The look in Remus' eyes followed her into her dreams which caused her to work even longer in the evenings, cutting the time for sleep as short as possible.

The inevitable consequence had followed yesterday. Slytherin had Charms with Gryffindor.

The atmosphere was strained with a lot of evil glares being shot between the Marauders and Bella, Black and Lestrange. There had been a duel on the grounds the day before that had ended in detention for everyone involved.

Professor Flitwick was explaining the ins and outs of Portkey charms. Kim who was as usual hiding in the corner at the back was only half-heartedly listening as she had already read about this topic a few days ago. The nausea was particularly bad this morning and she was gripping her stomach with both arms, folding them tightly around her body.

Professor Flitwick then finished his lecture and ordered them to go get one of the random objects scattered on his desk. Kim got up but a wave of unbearable nausea crushed over her, her vision went black and the hand that instinctively griped the desk failed to steady her.

She woke up what must have been some thirty seconds later and felt strong arms around her. In that state of semi-conciousness she snuggled into the warm comfort of the body next to her and contently sucked on the piece of chocolate that was being forced into her mouth. But the effect of the chocolate eventually kicked in and when her vision cleared she became aware of a few things all at once. In front of her stood James and Sirius, one half of the Marauders, and to one part of the other half belonged the arm that she had so willingly snuggled into. At the same time she caught the sight of Bella who was observing the scene equally suspiciously and disgustedly.

That caused Kim to jump up as far away from Remus as was possible in one leap. With her luck of course she stumbled right into Professor Flitwick and knocked the small teacher over. That had both Slytherins and Gryffindors laughing but Remus still looked a lot more worried than amused when he offered his hand for her to get up. Kim brushed it away without even looking him into the eyes. A quick side-glance to Bella proved that she was nodding approvingly and Kim felt bad because actions that Bellatrix Black approved of were mostly the meanest and most inhuman. Thus she was even glad when Flitwick ordered Severus Snape to escort her to the Hospital Wing.

_There are a lot of fights going on between Slytherin and Gryffindor but I try to keep as far away as possible from that pack of Mudbloods and blood traitors._

Lie.

Well half a lie at least. Kim had really tried as far as possible to keep far away from any Gryffindors, from four of them in particular. But she had not counted on the protector gene of one of them that was triggered when she passed out in class and had to go to the Hospital Wing.

Madam Pomfrey had immediately ushered the pale girl to one of the beds that were thankfully all free. Snape had quickly vanished when Madam Pomfrey began her rant. She went on and on about how seventh year students should be able to look after themselves and not forget eating and sleeping over studying.

After another gigantic piece of chocolate Kim got a cup of potion that would give her ten hours of dreamless sleep.

When she woke up it was a little after nine and like clockwork Madam Pomfrey came over and put a tray with gigantic amounts of food on it in front of her.

"Eat," she ordered in a tone that tolerated no dissent, "it will make you feel better."

Kim obeyed and was halfway through her meal when the door to the Hospital Wing opened. For a few seconds there was nobody to be seen but then the head of James Potter appeared in the door.

"Mister Potter?" Madam Pomfrey came out of her office. "What do you think you're doing here? Visiting hours are long over and there's obviously nothing wrong with you."

Yes, please, send him away, Kim thought.

"Madam Pomfrey, I'm just a classmate of Miss Dankins here who is genuinely worried about her. I knew you'd put her under for ten hours and had to wait until those were over." James gave her his most charming smile and though shaking her head she waved him over to Kim's bed.

"You're out of here in ten minutes, this young lady needs her sleep," with that the school nurse disappeared in her office.

Kim decided to continue with her mashed potatoes hoping that maybe it would signalise James that she didn't want to talk to him. But James obviously couldn't have cared less about her hint and positioned himself in a chair next to her bed.

"You look horrible," James stated and Kim shot him an I'm-not-even-going-to-dignify-that-with-an-answer glare. James took a moment to deliberate what to say next.

"Look, I really just wanted to check on you," he looked like he genuinely cared so Kim put her fork down but still didn't speak.

"Remus was worried about whether you were okay but he didn't have the guts to come and ask you. And since I don't want to come back without an answer; how are we doing tonight, Miss Dankins?"

"I'm fine, James, you shouldn't worry about me and neither should your friend. You should tell him that he can't just approach me in class like-"

"But... you passed out!" James looked at her like she was crazy but her expression was stone-cold.

"I don't care it just can't happen again." There was a long and very strained silence between the two students. Kim was fumbling with her sheets while James was studying her intently with an expression that Kim could not quite figure out but found highly unnerving.

Madam Pomfrey fortunately ended the awkward moment when she ushered James out of the Hospital Wing and handed Kim another cup of dreamless sleep potion.

_I haven't thought about what I want for my birthday yet but I'll let you know in my next letter._

_I hope you're fine and I miss you._

_Love, Kim_

That last part at least was true, she missed her parents dearly. Never in her life had Kim felt more alone than now and she had no idea how to get through her seventh year like this.

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><p><strong><em>Thank you so much for reading. I'm writing this whole thing in a notebook, a real one not a computer and all of it is written on trains (gotta love trains in switzerland=)). So I'm sorry if I typed some things wrong in the last chapter, I'll go back and change it. This time someone checked for me so I hope it's better. I hope I can update at some point this weekend or at the beginning of next week though I'm not sure because I'll be in Nice for a week but I'll write at the beach and update somehow.<em>**


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